10 Lessons I’ve Learned In The First Year of Marriage
My husband Steven and I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary this past weekend. During our first year as man and wife, we were faced with some serious obstacles. Steven was hit by a car 6 months ago and endured some serious injuries that we are still dealing with. This is something that no one prepared us for but we continue to work through it the best we can. I don't claim to be a marriage expert with just one year under my belt. However, I have learned some valuable lessons that I'd love to share with you.
Behold my top 10 lessons in no particular order:
1. Say "I Love You" at least once a day
Hearing those words goes such a long way! It's a reminder that he/she chose you on your wedding day and they continue to choose you every day after that.
2. Make rituals
Have coffee together in the morning before work. Discover a new Netflix series and binge watch it together! And no skipping ahead episodes when the other person isn't around. That is called betrayal.
When you share your life with someone you aren't going to do what you want 100% of the time. It's important that you feel like the sacrifices you make for each other are even and fair. If they aren't, have a conversation about it to avoid resentment down the road.
4. Pick your battles
Ask yourself: Is this issue worth arguing over? Is this affecting me in a negative/meaningful way? The answer could be "yes" and if so, bring it up fo sho! But if it's "not really" maybe take a deep breath and let that one slide. Life's too short to bicker your days away.
5. Support each other's passions
Do I care about my husband's fantasy football league(s)? OF COURSE NOT! Do I listen to him lament about how he traded a player who turned out to be amazing? OF COURSE, I DO! He listens to me talk about radio all day long. I will lend an ear when he wants to talk about the stuff he cares about.
6. Find joy in the mundane
Going to the grocery store is pretty much a snore and not something I look forward to. When I go with Steven we play this game where we guess how much everything we got will cost before we check out. Whoever guesses closest to the actual amount wins. It makes things a little more fun.
7. Don't forget to date
It's easy to slip into a routine where things seem robotic. So mix things up! Try a new restaurant that opened in town or go to the movies on a weeknight! Rock on with your bad self! Married people can have fun too.
8. Small gestures
Once in a while, do something small for your person to show that you care. For example, you saw that Walgreens has their favorite Halloween candy in stock so you bought it for them. Or you saw that their low on razor cartridges so you took the liberty of ordering more on Amazon. Something small that says, "I got you, boo."
You hear all the time how important communication is when it comes to relationships. I'll get personal for a second and share an example of how I used communication to help my relationship. My husband had a habit of being really critical of my driving. He would constantly call me out if I was doing something wrong and in turn, it would make me anxious and I would make even more mistakes behind the wheel. It was a vicious cycle. I told him (in a calm and nonaccusatory tone) how this was making me feel. He has since made an effort to keep his commentary to himself unless my driving is actually putting us in harm's way. This has helped a lot and I'm really glad we had that conversation.
10. Detach from technology
Try having one hour a day (or even a half-hour) where your phones are nowhere in sight. It's a lot easier to connect with your person when you aren't competing with the screen their nose is buried in.
Alright, that's all I have for now. If you have any valuable lessons to share I'd love to hear them in the comments!